My Garden

I love my garden. Take a walk in it with me...

Another Death

Russ Kimber passed away last Saturday. Russ was married to Sharon Mower Madsen, my father-in-law's second wife. Dad married Sharon in 1989 and they were happily married until he passed away in 2001. Several months later, Sharon married Russ--one of Dad's dearest friends. They have been happily married for six years. My heart goes out to Sharon...she has buried three husbands. That's too much grief. I dunno, though. I guess the love is worth the grief. Russ and Sharon lived in Grouse Creek, where they are supported and cared for by so many wonderful neighbors. I think Sharon will stay there for awhile. She loves the horses, the open spaces, the people. Sharon is an angel on earth and everyone in the Madsen/Kimber family has been privileged to have her as a "mother-in-love". Rest in peace, Russ. I'm betting you and Dad Madsen are having a few good laughs and games of golf in heaven.

For Rick
Our nephew, Rick Ashby Madsen, was tragically killed in a car/motorcycle accident last week. He was only 31, newly returned from eight years in the military service. His wife Claurys, had just arrived in the U.S. from the Dominican Republic. They've been married for two years and lived apart most of the time as he was flying Blackhawk helicopters for the Army. He finally is honorably discharged, she legally immigrates, they set up housekeeping, and he is killed just a few weeks later. It is painful and ironic and reminds me once again of how tenuous life it. It's always too soon, we always want more time, we never are ready to go. Tell those important to you that you love them--today. For you, Rick: God be with you, 'til we meet again.

Rick Ashby Madsen 1977 - 2008

Sunday Sedative

On Sunday afternoons, the kids and grandkids come home to visit. Recently, Evie and Grandpa went upstairs to watch golf. This is how I found them a half hour later. I KNEW watching golf was completely boring. It puts even the passionate players to sleep!

Succulent Wild Women

The day before my birthday, August 13th, a group of my craziest friends gathered to usher my birthday in...in our birthday suits. We figured the occasion of my 50th birthday was ripe for a Succulent Wild Woman moment, so we gathered just before midnight and had a skinny dipping party...or should I say a Chunky Dunking party.

There they are...the accused crazies. It wasn't easy to keep this group quiet enough not to wake the neighbors at midnight, but we did it. Probably the most memorable moment of my birthday! Thanks, you guys for being succulent!

Many Thanks!

A week ago Dave threw me a Big Birthday Bash to celebrate that I was still here on my 5oth birthday. I just wanted to say thanks to all my friends, family, neighbors and loved ones who came to celebrate with me. You were all so kind to remember me and help make it a true celebration. I had a great time. The food was good, the music was excellent (Fret, Fiddle and Fife--hire them if you are doing a party, a wedding, any occasion needing good music...call me, I'll give you their contact information), and the company was superb, to say the least. I'm still getting my self organized enough to write thank you notes for all the fun remembrances and gifts people left for me.

Update in Cancer World: I couldn't have chemo this week because my blood counts had all reached critical lows--meaning my white blood cells, my red blood cells, my platelets, my hematocrit..all that stuff. I have to sit around and let my body build itself back up...which means I get two weeks in a row off. I look at it as a vacation of sorts! I have a CT scan in a couple of weeks and then we'll know what the tumors are doing in there.
I read a book by Rachel Remen called KITCHEN TABLE WISDOM. In it she said "a diagnosis is just an opinion, not a prediction." I like that. I remain open to the mystery of life and the possibility of me winning the battle against cancer. Stay tuned.

Angels Sing Thee to Thy Rest

Leroy Sievers, a man I've never met, yet whom with, for three years now, I've had a daily conversation via his blog (My Cancer), died on Saturday, August 16. I sat and cried as I read his obituary online. He had an uncanny knack for putting into words the feelings of each of us dealing with cancer--The Beast he called it. I will miss his brilliant observations. Even more though, it scares me. He and I were diagnosed within a month of each other. We each received news from our doctors last fall..."six months"...He is gone now. When will it be my turn?

Leroy Sievers 1955 - 2003

Life Long Lovers
We recently had a re-shoot of family photos with my niece, Bianca. She is SUCH an artist with a camera. I can't wait to get all of the pictures, but above is a taste. See all of her work on her site http://photographybybianca.blogspot.com/. I'll let you know when more of our pictures are ready, but for now, thanks, Bianca, for capturing the essence of our relationship--33 years of life and love.

NORMAL!


My doctor called last night to tell me my CA-125 counts have dropped to 32--that's in the normal range. We are very jazzed about this news. It doesn't mean I can stop chemo (yuck and boo hoo), but it does mean the chemo is working to hold The Beast at bay. I'm a happy girl.

And speaking of happy...

next Thursday, August 14th, I will turn FIFTY. The big 5-0. Some might find this a depressing time, but I'm so glad to have made it to 50. Last October they told me six months. I'm on nine months now, and grateful for every day the Lord sends me. So...come and celebrate with us. Dave is throwing me a Birthday Bash. Wear your Red Hats. Join us on August 14th from 6:00 to 9:30 pm (an open house style so you can come and go if need be). I'm inviting everyone in the world who thinks they'd like to be there. If you want, bring some favorite goodie to share, but it's not necessary. Just come and say HI and celebrate! I'm still alive and kicking!

I copied this from my daughter's blog. I think this may be a little more meaningful to me than to some who haven't faced their mortality yet. Here are the rules.

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Nothing too embarrassing please. :) If we're only blogging friends, write about a post that is the most memorable for you.

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments. I can't wait to see what people remember.

Love to all.

I had some good news yesterday from my doctor. My CA-125 counts (those little blood markers that tell them if the cancer is growing or receding) were down to 55. That's a phenomenal drop--last month they were at 153. Normal range is 20 - 35. We feel hopeful that the Gemcitabine is working it's chemo magic for now. I'm happy for every day the Lord sees fit to give me! I keep getting the weekly treatments (every Wednesday) and follow it up with two Nupegen shots spaced about two days apart. That seems to be a formula that keeps my white blood counts from bottoming out. My platelets and red blood cells are still low, which makes me feel tired, but it isn't impacting my life too negatively at this time. Still can do most everything I want--with plenty of nap and rest time factored in. The Nupegen gives me aches and pains as it kick starts my bone marrow...but gee whiz, who doesn't have aches and pains in their fifties? Yikes I can't belive that's staring me in the face...but happily so. I will turn 50 on August 14. Be prepared for the birthday bash of all time! I MADE IT TO 50! WHOOPEE!

I haven't blogged for awhile--life gets wonderfully lazy in the summer! I spend my days teaching water aerobics, puttering in my garden, taking the grandkids swimming. Not too long ago we had a fun family photo shoot with Bianca, my talented niece by marriage. Here's just one sample of her wonderful work:

You should check out her site Photography by Bianca
for more of her work and to schedule a shoot with her if she has the time!

At the end of June Our good friends Jessica and Goi visited from Hong Kong. It was so good to seem them. We had a fun family barbeque and Jessica and Goi got to see all the cousins and how grown they all are. Love you Jessica and Goi!

We had a wonderful 4th of July with family coming over for swimming and food. It was 102--so hot! We slept out with Evie and Jacob under the stars. Tiffany and Steven came down from Rexburg and joined us, which was nice since Josh and Elena and Caite and Patrick went to Bear Lake for the weekend. We missed them, but are sure they had fun too...if they didn't get too sunburned!

More neices and nephews married soon: Seth and Amy get married this coming Friday (July 11th) and then just a few weeks and two more weddings in that Ellis family. Kira and Spencer on July 31, then Cecily and Justin on August 2. What a month for the Ellis family...we're all scrambling to stay caught up with them. congratulations to them all--celebrate the LOVE!

Cancer update: still getting weekly chemo, three weeks on, one week off. I get tests done on July 9th, so we'll know if it's working or not. In the meantime, I don't feel too badly from the chemo and am able to do most all I want.

Dave and Josh WON THE GRAND PRIZE Father's Day Essay contest from the Golf Channel. They leave July 18th for St. Andrews in Scotland. I'm sure we'll have some pictures when they return. Thanks to all who voted for them. They are so EXCITED, it's hard to contain them.

My advice to you all--grab life and live it everyday. Appreciate the blue skies, bird songs, and fluffy clouds of summer. Slow down. Read a good book. Have lunch with a friend.

There's been a lot of buzz around our house since yesterday with the Golf Channel Essay contest. It's opened for voting. See the essay and video on-line by going to Father's Day Finalists and VOTE once a day!



You'll need to register to vote. They ask for your name, phone, address and email address. This is control the amount of votes one person can do a day. To make up for the inconvenience, they enter each person voting in a secondary contest for gift certificates, golf balls, etc. Hope you'll go vote for Josh--I really want to send him and his Dad to Scotland! You'll have to see the video to see me sink a 15 foot putt while wearing a church dress. You'll see it surprised us all!

One of the local papers, The Deseret News, ran a big article on Josh and Dave and the contest.
If you go to Dad's Life Lesson a Winner you can read the article, leave a comment and see an audio slide show.


Thanks to everyone for their love and support during this exciting opportunity! It's been fun, no matter what happens!

I started a new chemo regime yesterday. The doctor said the Doxcil wasn't working (however, my CA-125 count came back down to 157, after it hit 177 last month). Now I am on Gemcitabine (say it gem-sight-a-bean). It can make me nauseous, have brittle and thinning hair, and cause my white and red blood cell counts to go haywire making me very prone to infection. It can also cause you to have flu like symptoms, aching and chills. It's been 24 hours since I got it. Yesterday I was pretty tired, but today I'm doing better. I cleaned my house, did my mom's hair for her, went to lunch with her at Chili's and worked in the garden this afternoon. The day started rainy and gloomy, but it's cleared up this afternoon. The water is wonderful for the garden, so I won't complain too much.

At Chili's the waitress told us our favorite dish Grilled Caribbean Salad is being taken off the menu in two weeks. I am so sad. It's one of the few things I crave often. Dave and I get it take out every couple of weeks and Mom and I split one whenever we go to lunch there. Sigh. The waitress says it's because it doesn't sell well in other areas but in Centerville it sells very well. Go figure. That's a chain for you...forcing everyone to conform to some average for the country. If you like the Grilled Caribbean Salad like we do, better go order some quick before it's gone forever! _

So Josh, my son, got some amazing news this week. In April, Dave told him he ought to enter this little essay contest about “Things My Father Taught Me on the Golf Course” for a Father’s Day Dream Vacation sponsored by the Golf Channel. There were over 27,000 entries. On Thursday they called him and told him he was one of the five national finalists! That means he and Dave are going to the US Open in Torrey Pines, San Diego in June (I think it’s from the 12 – 16 or something). They will be feted and seated with all the VIP’s (like Tiger Woods’ family, etc) during the five days of the Open, all transportation, meals, accommodations. Josh also wins a $1,000 set of Taylormade Aidas golf clubs, $1000 shopping spree at Dick’s Sporting Goods, and a year’s supply of golf balls. (Dave said that could be a 18-wheeler full, given the way Josh golfs.) The prize package is worth over $7000. The Golf Channel is coming to our house to film us for the TV.

Then on June 9th, the finalists will be announced on the Golf Channel and voting will begin nationwide. The final section is judged partly on popular vote and partly by judges. You can go online and read his essay and vote for it starting June 9th. Tell everyone you know at your office, etc.! If they win, they will get to go on a golf vacation to Scotland, to St. Andrew’s Golf Course, the birthplace of the sport. There will be a $5000 set of Taylormade golf clubs (bet Josh gives Dave the $1000 one and keep the $5000 one…what do you think?) a $5000 shopping spree at Dick’s Sporting Goods, $15,000 cash. I think that prize package is worth $40,000. Amazing eh??? Dave and Josh are pretty excited, as you can imagine.

Read Josh's essay and vote on June 9th!

CA-125 news - not good

Doctor Werner called me just now to let me know my CA-125 count had risen to 177. It was 95 in March, 102 in April, and now 177 in May. This, coupled with the slight growth on my scans is telling her the Doxcil treatment isn't working. We have to discuss a new chemo regime. It tells me we are one step further along the Death March road.

She is talking about a couple of experimental things. The first is a regime of Taxotere (which I had back in 2005) and Yondelis. Yondelis is a new concoction made from marine creatures. It's a clinical trial for recurrent ovarian cancer, so Dr. Werner will have to make sure I meet all criteria before we know if I can do it. It will cause hair loss and it takes 5 hours to get the chemo, once every three weeks.

The next option is to add Avastin to Gemcitibine. Avastin prevents new blood vessels from forming, thus starving cancer cells which need lots of blood to grow. Gemcitibine does not cause hair loss, but radically affects white blood cell counts making you really prone to infections. We will have to clear Avastin with my insurance company since it's not FDA approved for use in ovarian cancer. I despise the FDA regulations.

If I can't have Avastin, we'll just go with Gemcitibine. If it doesn't work we'll switch to Topotecan. Given that I got four months with Doxcil, if I can average four to six month on each of the other drugs, then maybe I'll make it to when they come out with the new nano-technology for drug delivery.

So the update isn't good news, but hey, we knew last October these days were coming. I've been in my yard planting ipomea seeds (real Morning Glory, not that stuff people call morning glory but is really bind weed.) I think there is no greater show of faith that I'll continue to be here than to work in my garden, plant things and wait for them to grow. I'm going back out to plant some more. Stop by and sit on my porch sometime with me. It's a lovely place of peace.

A Cancer Update

This week was a chemo week and a CT scan week to look inside and see what the little rogue cells are up to. I haven't had a scan since December. The tumor they saw in the spleen in December is gone. That's the good news. The tumor in the kidney is about two millimeters bigger which isn't such good news, but it's sort of a wash as it is so slow growing. Really not a big deal. I have more lesions on my peritoneal lining, which is the bad news. On the whole, my doctor thinks I am holding steady. I am ecstatic about this, as last October they told me six months to live. I'm now in the 7th month since that prognosis, and am holding steady with a not too impugned quality of life. Score Cancer: 11 (a combined number of surgeries and chemo regimes), Kim: at least 12, because I'm Fighting It off so far. I can just hear the crowd roar: "Defense!" Stomp-stomp! "Defense!!" Clap-clap!

What score would you give me for that feat? Do you think I deserve more than a 12?

My doctor wants to see my CA-125 results to see if they are going up or down. If they go up, I'll have to concede Cancer another point. I should know them sometime tomorrow. I'll update you then.

In the meantime, I have to tell you my spleen miracle. When they told me in December it had metastasized to my spleen, I went home and did Internet research on what cancer in the spleen does to you (of course). I was upset to learn it would probably make me grow a beard and maybe get a deep voice, due to raging out-of-whack hormones that are usually regulated by the spleen. "Great," I thought, "I could go bald because of chemo and then grow a beard. I'll really look like a freak." So that night I prayed mightily in an anguished, probably irreverent and complaining way. "C'mon, isn't this adding insult to injury? Do I have to grow a beard on top of everything else?" Then I forgot about it, because I have learned "thy will be done" in an up close and personal way. And here we are at the next CT scan, spleen tumor gone. I think God was willing to make a trade off for me...got a few more peritoneal lining tumors, and a slight growth in the kidney tumor, but the spleen one went away. My personal answer to prayers and the miracle of this quarter. Tonight I am praying in mighty thanks. And I thank all of you who continue to pray for me. I believe in the power of prayer.

I've been "tagged" by Bianca. This one looked like an interesting one (I'm usually too lazy to do these.) So here are my answers:


HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? 32 years on September 5 2007...headed towards 33.
HOW LONG DID YOU DATE? 10 days before we got engaged. Met on a blind date. Scary, eh?
WHO EATS MORE? Of what? Dave eats more meat. I eat more ice cream.
WHO SAID "I LOVE YOU" FIRST? Do you think I can really remember after 32 years and chemo?
WHO IS TALLER? Dave. By five inches. And he's not tall. OK we are the short family.
WHO HAS MORE SPEEDING TICKETS? We're probably tied on this. Dave deserved more than he got...but ex-cops know people.
WHO IS SMARTER? Dave is smarter with numbers, Kim is smarter with words (okay punctuation.)
WHO IS MORE SENSITIVE? Lemme see...Dave is the one who used to have tizzies when his siblings would call him Davey-flower. Kim cries at TV commercials. Dave says he cries whenever a gnat farts. So there you go. We're both sensitive.
WHO DOES THE LAUNDRY? Kim. But she is teaching Dave how to sort clothes and use the washer. You never think you need this skill until you are facing the death of your wife and you realize you may never have clean underwear again.
WHO DOES THE DISHES? Whoever happens to get sick of dishes in the sink first. This isn't a big issue at our house. Someone is always doing them.
WHO IS MORE ROMANTIC? Kim likes watching romance movies more than Dave does, but what could be more romantic than rubbing your wife's nueropathy-ridden feet for hours on end each night? The definition of romance changes when you're dealing with cancer.
WHO SLEEPS ON THE RIGHT? Dave usually does, but it's the closer side to the bathroom, so when we are in post-surgery, Kim usually does.
WHO PAYS THE BILLS? Kim. This is another thing she's been showing Dave the ropes of...not that he doesn't know how to pay bills, but which ones are on auto-pay and how to pay them online with bill pay and how to save the receipts and file them...that was all Kim's system.
WHO MOWS THE LAWN? What lawn? We have no lawn. When we did have lawn it was usually Kim and then Josh when he got old enough but for 10 years know we've only had flower beds, paths, ponds and decks. Dave builds things, but if it's living in the yard, Kim cares for it. Come to think of it, I better teach Dave about that too...
WHO COOKS DINNER? Mostly Dave who is a better cook than Kim. We are in the make whatever whenever you're hungry phase of life mingled with a lot of eating out.
WHO IS MESSIER? After 32 years we're about the same in this regard. We're both pretty tidy. (Note to self: teach Dave to clean the bathroom.)
WHO DRIVES WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER? Dave. Better question is "who drives the new car?" That would also be Dave. Not that I'm bitter or anything, or that I haven't repeatedly pointed out that I'll be dead soon and then he gets it all to himself, but noooo....
WHO IS MORE STUBBORN? Definitely Dave, which is why he is driving the new car.
WHO IS FUNNIER? Also Definitely Dave. I try to out macabre him by making comments about me dying, but he always gets me back.
WHO KISSED WHOM FIRST? Dave kissed Kim so long that she couldn't breathe because her nose was stuffy and she almost passed out. It was on our first date too.
WHO ASKED WHO OUT FIRST? Blind date on which Kim was threatened if she actually told Dave how old she was (16). She had just graduated from high school. By the end of the evening she finally fessed up and Dave left quickly. He vowed she was just too young, but he was back the next day and the next and 10 days later asked her father's permission to marry her.
WHO PROPOSED? Dave asked her parents and after they gave their permission, as Dave and Kim were leaving to go tell his family, Kim said "don't you think you ought to ask me if I want to marry you?" It was a total afterthought for Dave. He figured if he got past the Parent Gauntlet he was home free. He was right. His response to Kim was "oh, I guess I should. So do you want to marry me?" She said YES. They were married 3 months later. (She was 17 by two weeks at the time of the wedding.)

This is why I have to keep my mouth shut when discussion goes to "oh they are too young" or "they don't know each other well enough". It worked for us!

Congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Miller. Steven and Tiffany had a beautiful wedding day on April 12th. The Utah wedding dinner, and yesterday, the Denver event, both were beautiful. They are now headed home to Rexburg to start their happily ever after. My sister, Kamra, and I had this fun picture taken by wedding photographer while we were on temple square.

This past Monday, Dave and I took the grandkids and Chrissy to the zoo.
It was a grand day!

It's been one of those schizo weather weeks--one day warm enough for Dave to go golfing and Evie and I to swing out on the porch swing, the next day snow and sleet, lots of cool cloudy days in between. The best day was Friday, however, when my kind sister-in-law, Donna, and my good friend, Paula, organized 9 of my other friends into a work crew to tear through my yard and get it ready for spring.

We worked from 8:30 am to 1:30 pm, with a lunch break provided by Jenette, another dear friend. Pizza and salad on the patio, yummm. I really enjoyed it all--the camaraderie, the food, the pleasant spring weather, and best of all...getting my yard cleaned up and in shape for the growing season before I start chemo again on Tuesday. What can I say by my THANKS! I feel loved.

Had a lot of family coming and going for the weekend with conference and preparations for Tiffany's (my niece) wedding. It's less than a week away! And tonight another niece, Cecily, announced her engagement. She and Justin will wed on August 2nd. Kira, (another niece) and Cecily's sister will get married at the end of July. I think their brother, Seth, is in the mix too for this summer...somewhere in July as well, I believe...but I haven't been given a firm date yet on that one.

Whew, four weddings, two missionary farewells and two babies in the family this summer and fall. I hope I won't be adding "...and a funeral" to the mix!